#MNR: NATE, THE GREAT

#MNR: NATE, THE GREAT
 
“Cops coming. Shots fired. Babies cried. I cried. Wishing I – could change but – this is just my life.”
Pharoahe Monch
 
“Be – very afraid, I carry a gauge. My new bitch, she get the most cuz she barely complains.”
Benny the Butcher
 
“Just me and you evading enemies, let you get my last shot of Hennessy, ain’t never had a friend like me.”
Makaveli the Don
 
Ardent readers of this weekly blog will attest to my candid nature regarding mental health and my journey through its perils. The mind is so fragile. I’m blessed to say that the past few years have been some of the best of my life. I have my days, but my disposition and outlook have remained positive and upbeat. Yet and still...I have my days. My perpetual wrestling partner is anxiety. Lady A and I have tangoed many a day, many a night. It’s extra shitty for me because she usually comes from no damn where. She, it takes a while to mitigate. I don’t mind the attacks in the privacy of my home. I do mind the public attacks (that almost always happen on the bus). Thankfully, wearing sunglasses is one of the greatest anxiety blockers available. And the hoodie. We all maintain a healthy partnership. They protect me like the Secret Service. Before I get too far off into this, please note that these attacks are few and far in-between. Ironically, that’s what makes them prime Clayton Kershaw curveballs to my overpowered sanity standing helplessly in the batters’ box on the field of mental health. For me...for me personally (Harlem Legend voice), it’s easiest for me to just let the avalanche tumble. Let the floodgates open. Ride the wave. It is what it is. Trying to fight all that emotion only makes it worse. It’s easiest for me to pull a Frankie Ocean on “Super Rich Kids” – close my eyes and feel the crash. Please understand that me speaking on how I cope is in no way undermining the next person’s method(s) of dealing with anxiety. I know that it’s easier for me to just let the emotions flow rather than repeatedly bottle them up until they explode. That’s why I’m super cool with them happening amongst myself. I let it flow. I give it time to run its course. Then I move on. It’s therapeutic for me.
 
When Black Thought said, “Just think, what if you could just, just blink yourself away,” my 15-year-old brain was immediately blown to bits. Wow. Imagine the possibility!  What if you could, in the blink of an eye (0.1/0.2 seconds?), immediately escape your current location and situation/crisis? Every shitty situation could instantly desist at your behest. Imagine the possibilities. Imagine what it could do for mental health. Yeah I know, you have already poked holes in my balloon. But their problems would still be there. They haven’t escaped anything. Monday, shut your dumb ass up (Angry Man voice). I know that, got damn it. But it’s my 15 y/o vision. But skepticism (and reality) aside, what if you could? I’ll tell you what. If you could, life would be ever the more serendipitous. I’m heavy on the reference of 15 years of age because that was a perilous period for my young mind. I was all over the place. I didn’t have anyone to speak freely and candidly with. And back then, mental health was see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil in the Black community. It was especially horrible for the Black boy/young man/man. Any show of emotion meant being soft. Pussy. Gay. Way too many Black males suffered immensely. I was one of them. I masked it. I hid it. I bottled it up. But it never went far away. Many a day I wished I could have just blinked myself away.
 
Sorry, Tyrone. You can’t just blink yourself away. You must remain ten toes down, or at least attempt to. I know, I know. But I am absolutely in favor of seeking the therapy of a mental health professional if need be. Someone very dear to me is doing exceptionally well in their journey. Don’t think I don’t see it. You are amazing. Keep pushing.
 
At some point, you may have wondered why TF I titled my blog what I did and haven’t mentioned anything about a Nate. It’s not NBA legend Nate “The Great” Thurmond. It’s one of my students named Nate. He’s amazing. I wanted to make this blog all about Nate. I was going to explain my journey with him and what we speak on. But that would betray his confidence, and I’m almost certain it would invade his privacy. I’ll leave it at this. I think he’s brilliant in his own unique way. I also think he has a chance to go farther than anyone in the community I serve. So, my classroom captain Lynn and I are going to give him a push. We’re going to spot his every repetition. He’s got a chance to make it. I have faith in him. He has my vote – for President.
 
Happy earth day Brandi. Love you always.
 
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