I have a confession: I’m a @twitter whore. I make anywhere from 25-90 tweets a day, I RT (retweet for the twitter challenged) any and everything I see interesting on my TL (timeline), even if I don’t particularly fuck with you like that. I’m perpetually conscious about my number of followers (660+ and counting; I’m proud of my followers…love ‘em), a prestigious list that includes the likes of most of my Englewood, NJ folk, plenty of my #VUU family and folk, Treach, Amel Larrieux, Michael Eric Dyson (whom I just concluded a twitter beef with---another blog, another time), Shock G./Humpty, my manz John “Spider” Salley, my baby girl Cheri “Chericoke” Dennis, the homie Chi Ali, other folk with a million plus followers (like Marquis Trill), and plenty with 100K+. It also includes Tidewater, Virginia legend @IAMDJGREEN, my first cousin and one nigga I’ll do life plus 2 weeks for. Cuzzo put me up on the Twitter, literally. He signed me up, and was my first follower. Love him for that, as well as a million other things. I’m nearing 40K tweets; I can still remember being gassed when I hit the big 10,000 and it finally dropped the last three digits and added the K. I love Twitter much more than any other form of social media, including Facebook (too much family and uppity Negro “friends” who attack my wanton use of the First Amendment; too many people in general), Instagram (too many birds/whores/fake models/posers, too many meme niggas flooding my TL, including my best friend on Earth Jose Cuervo), and basically, I couldn’t even tell you about any of the other shit youse people use like Kik (one of my niggas used the hard “I” mispronunciation by accident once, making it an instant classic moment in comedic history), Snapchat, Vine (I like Vine, it’s just that I’m a print guy) and whatever else there is. But the Twitter, I fux with the Twitter. If you provide a profile, it’s because you put it there yourself. The Twitter asks nothing of you; you can even keep your face and identity anonymous. Your profile pic could be catfish AF; no one cares. The Twitter doesn’t give a shit about where you work, live, or attended high school. It doesn’t matter. It’s all about expressing your thoughts within the 140 character limit. The number 140 alone makes the Twitter an alluring science. You don’t have to worry about reading a blog sized post from some nigga you went to Catholic school fourth grade with about how he can never find parking by his job. On the Twitter, he’d just say the shortest, most harsh and concise thing he can think of, usually in acronym form. And then it’s over, for example: PARKING @ MY MF JOB SUX. ALWAYS LATE CUZ NO SPOTS. FML. That’s a quick 53 characters, 87 to spare. You got the point just fine, didn’t you? Next tweet. Back to the RT. I love the retweet button; it allows you to replicate the thought of another individual while simultaneously attributing credit. Then you can quote the tweet, add to it, and make it a retweet by simply adding RT, provided space within the 140 limit. Brilliant. Some niggas just quote your tweet, simply putting quotation marks around your tweet with your @ and name in front. To me, this is a way of replicating the thought without attributing proper credit, but hey, haters make the fucking world go ‘round. You credit stealing bastards. I ain’t mad at you. Well, maybe a little. Just cuz I feel like it’s some underhanded type shit. But hey, life is cold as the Polar Regions, and twice as nasty. And you follow to unfollow degenerates (a process where someone will follow you in hopes that you will follow back, then unfollow you because they anticipate you to not pay attention, thus giving them an extra follower without having to follow back, as is customary procedure to many). Eat a sick dick. That shit is OD greasy, and a real sucker type approach in my eyes. But hey, this is my blog, so it’s my opinion. Fuck you, you bitches.
At the end of the day, the Twitter is a machine growing by the day. That is evidenced by it recently going public on the Dow Jones Market. Our President has a Twitter. Patti LaBelle has a Twitter. Oprah has a Twitter. Samuel L. Jackson has a Twitter. And these Negroes were old when I was eating two lunches in public schools. Come aboard this train, but only if you’re prepared for any and everything. Add the random thoughts and pics of mostly random people, emojis, memes, vines, IG posts, and anything else you can imagine within 140 characters, and you’ve got a never-ending global bazaar.
Send any love/hate mail to firstname.lastname@example.org. Follow your boy on the Twitter @tymonday, as well as my family, @crewunB. Scoop some of our fly apparel sometime when you stop by to read my blog. I’ll for damn sure be Unberables out this summer. Y’all be cool how y’all be cool. Water.