#MNR: Milestones, Missteps, and Motherfuckers

#MNR: Milestones, Missteps, and Motherfuckers

 

I’m one month clean y’all (I would use an exclamation mark but I’m not a lame). I’m not gon lie, this shit is almost surreal to me. I married marijuana at age 15 and swore we’d never divorce. I needed ganja like LL and Mary J. needed love. But I kicked the [costly] habit, like KDB on the Etihad pitch en route to a Manchester City victory against Man U. in the derby. Okay, enough with the similes. I’m not a mildly retarded rapper. But do know that I still got them thangs. Holla at your folk if need be. IYKYK.

 

PS – If you need clean piss for your probation officer or for a job, holla at your boy. I must warn you – although you’ll pass the test, the lab may inform you that you’re diabetic and have a kidney stone or three. Ain’t a damn thing free in life except salvation, so there is a fee. But you’ll definitely pass the cannabis test. I guarantee (in my best bayou/Cajun voice).

 

I promise this will be my last sobriety report unless I fall off the wagon and invite you to match eighths. Otherwise, there’s nothing else to report. Now, please pardon me while I do the Dame Dash dance from Death of a Dynasty. Roll the dice, Damon...

 

RUSSIA/UKRAINE WAR UPDATE:

 

Those MF are still fighting.

 

WHAT IN THE CULTURAL APPROPRIATION IS THIS?

 

So, I’m watching YouTube earlier (my usual), and I’m waiting for the obligatory ad to complete its fifteen second rollout. Yeah, I hate the non-skip ads as much as you do, but it is what it is. Anyway, I immediately start rocking in my gamer chair (thanks baby) when I hear Sister Nancy’s “Bam Bam” banging through my television speakers. For those of you who don’t know, “Bam

Bam” is one of the greatest dancehall tracks in the history of the genre and is most def a part of my culture and music library. But the visual didn’t match the sound. It was an Airbnb ad with a little white boy swimming in a pool. Fuck that. You punk MF could have at least had a little Black boy swimming in that damn pool, preferably my godson Ace. He’s got the hair, skin color, and charisma to fit the track. What TF does a white family know about dancehall? It didn’t fit at all. Y’all coulda used another track to express their glee for using an overpriced rental house with hidden cameras illegally streaming their activities. If Sister Nancy got a check, I can live with it. But I don’t like it. Stop using our material without using us. I said what I said. Fuckers.

 

DR. HUXTABLE

 

Earlier today, the Supreme Court decided to leave Bill Cosby the fuck alone and not put him back in the clink for his alleged past sexual indiscretions. Personally, I’m happy. He did his time. Leave that old man TF alone. If you disagree with me, cool. I just stated my opinion. He’s in his mid-80s; let him be. Furthermore, I wasn’t there when he allegedly took the pussy. It was her word against his. And as for the other 50-11 women who came out of the woodwork after decades of silence, [REDACTED].

 

INTERNATIONAL FUCKERY

 

Brittney Griner, perhaps the best big in the history of women’s basketball, is being detained in Russia after Russia’s version of customs allegedly found hashish vape cartridges in her luggage. There’s a lot to unpack with this. Griner faces up to ten years in a Russian shithole if convicted. We all know that’s pure bullshit. Americans get caught out of the states with work and paraphernalia (for personal consumption) all the time. Ask ASAP Rocky and Lil Baby. The foreign entity usually fucks with the alleged offenders for a hot minute, long enough to garner international press. They then release the alleged offenders with a “do not return” declaration at worst. But this is a different situation. There’s a war going on that, even though the US isn’t directly involved, is the symbolic enemy. Inevitably, Griner is a pawn in a consequential game of global politics. When Griner isn’t dominating opponents in the WNBA for the Phoenix Mercury or in the international realm (watch the gold medal game against China a few months ago – virtuoso), she stars for the Russian team UMMC Ekaterinburg, a team she has helped win multiple league championships (including 2021). As if international politics isn’t enough, please be mindful of the fact that Russia is about as anti-LGBT of a country that there is. And oh yeah, Griner’s a Black woman. She’s got everything going against her. I pray for the best, but I honestly expect the worst. We shall see.

 

SIDENOTE

 

Griner earns $1,000,000 annually playing for UMMC Ekaterinburg, almost five times her salary with Phoenix, where she earns $228,000 per year. Mind you, that salary is amongst the top in the WNBA. If players were paid [in the states] anywhere near what they’re worth, they wouldn’t have to play abroad.

 

THE ASSOCIATION

 

Big ups to my big sis Shae, VUU class of 1999. She’s one of the members in my VUU group chat, where we actively talk shit, encourage one another, and spill tea. She’s a lifelong Lakers fan, and we were both watching the game last Saturday night in which the Lakers beat Chef Curry and the Warriors. You already know what’s coming. MY GUY BRON PUT A 56-PIECE ON THEIR PUNK ASSES! That boy got extra busy. A 50+ point performance at age 37 is something only greats Air Jordan, Kobe Bean (praying hands emoji), and my nigga Jamal Crawford can claim. And yes, Jamal Crawford was/is great. Keep the Ginobili gas to yourself. JC is the best sixth man to ever play in the A. But back to King James. He continues to amaze me, something he’s done since the first time I ever saw him on camera at the Primetime Shootout in Trenton, New Jerusalem, when he dropped 51 on current teammate Trevor Ariza, when Bron was at SVSM (Akron, OH) and Ariza attended Westchester High (L.A.). You had to see his performance Saturday night to truly understand its brilliance. Golden State had things under control for much of the game, but Bron kept the Lakers close. Then he took GS hostage in the fourth. Add a big shot from Hoodie Melo and a good performance from #0 and the Lakers were able to prevail. I won’t gas it and proclaim the Lakers are now on a course to finish strong. But we shall see.

 

I take personal pleasure in seeing the demise of the Brooklyn Nets. I keep trying to tell y’all that winning isn’t like a light switch. Brooklyn fans who think the Nets can turn this shipwreck around and win it all are delusional. Yes, Brooklyn has two of the most amazing ball players on the planet. But not even KD and Kyrie can work miracles. They currently sit a game under .500 in the ninth position in the Eastern Conference. At 4.5 games behind the sixth seed Cleveland Cavaliers (the surprise team of the year), it’s all but certain that they’ll be a participant in the play-in tournament (which I detest). If I have to eat my words a couple months from now, I will. But in either case...fuck the Nets.

 

That’s all for this week. Thanks for coming out, God bless, goodnight. Catch me on the come-up.

 

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