#MNR: ANGRY SMURF
“Slide down 2-fifth, nigga I’m to the #eastside.”
People who know me casually or in a professional manner would probably tell you that I, Ty Thompson, am a benevolent and gregarious human being. They would be correct. I am both benevolent and gregarious. Those same people would probably go a step further and insist that I am a teddy bear. They would again be correct, but only partially. I am a teddy bear – half teddy. I love unconditionally. I always treat my ladies like the queens they are. I never call them out of their name or speak in a condescending manner. Never in this life would I lay a hand on them in a manner that isn’t loving. I treat my niggas like the brothers they are. I don’t disrespect, emasculate, or belittle them. I don’t make moves on their old ladies. I treat their girls as my sisters. What they don’t know is that the other half is all grizzly. 8’6”, 625 pounds. I can run up to 35 mph, I can decapitate you with a single swing from my mitt with razor-sharp claw attachments. I can climb a tree to come get your dumb ass, or I can just shake that bitch until your silly ass falls to the earth and I decimate you.
Yeah. That’s me. Ty Grizzly. I have an attitude problem. It rarely makes an appearance, but when it does, it can get late early. It mostly rears its head in public interactions with transit operators, stupid ass humans, and other MF of the like. I don’t carry a firearm. I am not Michael Jai White or one of those MMA niggas. I am me. I’m with the shits and I haven’t been scared since Spring 1995. I don’t start shit, but I am a willing participant in any associated fuckery.
I’m lying like a MF. Sometimes I’m the Firestarter.
I have no regret or empathy if I feel I’ve been slighted or violated. It is what it is, and it’s up ‘til it’s stuck. Anytime it’s fuck me, it’s ALWAYS fuck you. That’s the way it has to be. There’s no love outside, just ugly. I’d rather be the aggressor than the pussy. I’m no Tough Tony. I am very aware that there are men walking these streets who have the fighting acumen to hurt my entire frame. I’ve never been a dumb nigga. I certainly would never walk into certain death. But disrespect is disrespect. And even if you are one of those MMA niggas, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Patience. I’ll see you eventually, but you won’t see me coming. I’m the type of nigga to be posted by your down-low weed spot. Surprise...
Calm down, Monday. You’re scaring the casuals.
Ok. Allow me to reapproach. I meant everything I’ve said thus far, but I’d like to speak on the time(s) I’m not satisfied with my grizzly attitude. I’m noticing that I tend to have a high level of hostility when I’m aboard transit. I know we are all in proximity, and I respect that aspect of transit. I hate it when others aren’t respectful of my bubble. Watch your fucking step. The last time I was in the X, an African man on the BX40 smooth stepped on my London grey Vapormax...and left a black smudge. I almost had a Fred Sanford (IYKYK). That MF is lucky that 1) he had his daughter with him 2) he was exiting the bus 3) I didn’t feel like paying another fare, as I am seemingly the only slow MF in NYC who pays to ride the fucking transit buses. I could be lying, but I swear I saw a Baptist pastor steal a fare on the BX35 the last time I rode that dirty MF. I wasn’t mad at him; so does everyone else. Everyone except me, apparently. GET BACK TO THE DAMN TOPIC, MONDAY. My bad, y’all. I was having too much fun. All jokes aside, I was going to see ‘bout that acorn-headed bastard. Through the blessings of God (and the repellant spray I use for all new kix) the smudge simply wiped off. NO MONDAY, THE OTHER POINT. THE ONE ABOUT NOT BEING SATISFIED WITH YOUR PISSY ATTITUDE. Oh yeah. Tonight, I wiled up an [CENSORED TO AVOID HATE CRIME SPECULATION] man on the 166T because I felt that he should have chosen another seat. Yeah, I was that type of shitty today. Today was one of those. That man just wanted to sit down like everyone else. I only paid for one fare. The nerve of you, Monday. You need to calm that dumb shit down, good brother. You’re better than that. I know, I know. I have my reasons for feeling the way I initially felt, but they are not a collective excuse to be an asshole. Like I said, the good vitriol is great, but pissy vitriol and shitty actions are bad. Really bad. Like Aeon Flux bad. And I’m not talking about the animated series. I’m talmbout the 2005 film with Charlize Theron.
We cannot allow fuckery at any level. I have to level up when it comes to transit hostility or any time I’m on my bullshit for no rational reason. I’m as wrong as two right shoes for my actions, but I just don’t like most of yous.
What? I’m not going to lie for the sake of making it seem like my contrition borders on amazing. Ignore the benevolence and gregarious nature. I don’t like most people. I am that I am. Don’t step on my feet without an earnest apology or violate my bubble and we’re chilly cool-cool. And oh yeah...if I board the bus and I have a 3-zone pass, bitch don’t ask me where TF I’m going. I’m going home, you idiot. Ask the [CENSORED] where they’re going.
Before y’all execute me, asking where I’m going implies that I’m stealing a fare. I’m not a thief. I don’t like the karma.
Even if you do execute me, I said what TF I said. If you don’t like it, send a CashApp and leave the reason why in the note. $TyMonday$. Please and thank you.
Crew niggas to the exit, we out.
tymonday.com: @tymonday on Twitter & IG
crewunb.com: @crewunB on Twitter & @theunbearablescrew on IG