#MNR: Christmas Edition
“Merry Christmas niggas!”
Hello all. It’s your friendly neighborhood oracle Ty Monday, illegitimate child of Yaphet Kotto, back up in your ass crease with the blog you love to love. And before you ask, he never claimed me because he woulda had to admit to the world that he actually slept with a Black woman. The irony of this coming from a man so Black that he has his very own shade in the Crayola box: Yaphet Kotto Black. I could be lying, but it could actually be a shade of Black in the 128 count super-duper-box. Most of y’all just don’t know cuz your mama was too cheap to cop the super box. But hey, it’s not too late. She still has three (by the time you read this) shopping days to make that happen. But all jokes aside (for this sentence only) It’s that special time of year. Happy Holidays to you and yours. Merry Christmas to all of my associates: hustlers, Vvillains, ladies of ill repute, cutthroats, mercenaries, scammers, con artists, lowlifes, and errbody else, except rapists and pedophiles. Fuck all y’all. Now, gather around the fireplace and let’s all light up this Christmas tree at the same damn time. Let’s get this yuletide ciph going.
I had a seven of some Khalifa Kush for the first time. I’ll say this…I see why some niggas call their cheeba satin: smooth, great taste, solid high. Wiz definitely has a winner with this strand. I’m still putting the White Runtz at the top of my personal list, but that KK is definitely official. Talk to your friendly neighborhood plug and see if it’s on her/his menu. And even if you don’t partake…it’s the ultimate stocking stuffer.
I’ve all but given up on trying to acquire a PlayStation 5 before Easter. They’re selling out before the average consumer can click the buy button on every site when and where they’re available. The resale prices are beyond crazy ($1K-1.5K). It’s not that I’m too good to stand and wait on some Game Stop line, it’s just that I’m too damn good to stand and wait on some fucking Game Stop line like a Depression-era soup kitchen in Chicago. I can live without a PS5 for the first quarter of 2021, but I’m more than perturbed that the same fuckery is happening in the sneaker community. It doesn’t matter if you have the Nike Sneakers app or Footlocker app or whatever. It’s the same thing. The app teases a sneaker for a month solid after MONTHS of word on its release date from various sites on the net. The anticipation is absurd levels of high. You get your money up or credit card on deck and impatiently wait like a dope fiend for 10:00 to arrive on release day. You even have your card and size info saved to avoid the shaky typing fingers. You just have to press/click buy. You do it less than three seconds after Apple time strikes ten. AND IT’S SOLD OUT. What in the entire fuck?
Unless you live in one of those areas where information is generally shunned, you’re most likely aware that these gaming systems and sneakers and damn near anything else of high resale value (with the exception of game/concert tickets) are largely hoarded and snatched up via bots. Bots are software programs that allow users to, among other things, purchase large quantities of items that are available at retail price on the internet without manually having to enter card information, almost always to resell and yield insane profit margins. In a millisecond, a bot can do what it takes a human a considerably greater amount of time to do, relatively speaking. Even if a human has her/his information stored, a bot can put the item in its owner’s checkout before a human physically can press/click buy. My bro Pyrex, a resale/retail/cannabis legend and the first person to put me on to bots about three years ago, told me back then that, “I can have 40 pairs of Jordans in my checkout before you can hit buy.” Rumor has it that one person was able to cop 400 pair of Jordan Flint 13 on drop day. 400 FUCKING PAIR!!???!! To add context, the average pair of Flints in any size were going for about $300 on resale sites like StockX or GOAT immediately after release day. They retailed for $190 if I’m not mistaken. I don’t quite remember because even though I had my card on deck and counted down to release time, they were sold out before I could press buy. I read a tech article that addressed bots as pertaining to consumer strife over failure to acquire the next gen PS and Xbox systems on sites like Wal Mart and Best Buy. The article spoke on bots at length, basically wasting time explaining what I just did in far less words. But what it did reveal is that companies are well aware of the problems. I know at least three of youse is like “no shit Sherlock.” My reply? FUCK YOU WATSON. Of course, I know that the companies are aware. I’m pissed because I don’t feel they’re really doing much to curb the bots. I at least know that the Nike Sneaker app only allows one purchase per card. I know they (allegedly) and other sites also only allow one shoe to be shipped to an address. But professional bot users are able to sidestep this (even on the Sneakers app) because they have multiple addresses to ship to. And no, I’m sure most don’t have scores of addresses to ship their purchases to. But does it matter if it’s a release like the Ben & Jerry’s Dunks (which retailed for $100 and resell for as much as $3.5K)? So what if I can only ship to ten addresses? That’s potentially $34K in profit!!! Ok, more like $14K (they typically resold at about $1.5K), but still…that’s the craziest up since all the cut rate pure yay the real Alejandro Sosa wholesaled from Bolivia to the rest of the world a few decades ago. Profit out the ass. Now, before you get visions of sugar plums dancing ‘round in your drug-infested minds, the best bots typically sell from $1-5K. The less expensive ones tend to fail before they get a lot of use. Some never work to begin with. But hey – no nuts, no glory. I don’t give a damn if you get a million of exclusive retail releases via bots. Just make sure you sling all the size 15s to me. Please and thank you.
Speaking of sneakers, should I devote one blog a month exclusively to sneakers? It would discuss the hottest upcoming or just released sneakers. I’d pick a Sneaker of the Month and have occasional flashbacks to the time and era when many of today’s popular retros were OG releases. We’ll see though. Feel free to leave a comment when you see the blog mentioned on either my or the Crew IG pages.
That’s all for today folks. Be sure to check out next week’s 2020 year-end blog. I just pray I’ll have something to talk about. Wasn’t much going on this year, was it? Guess you’ll have to see for yourself. Once again, I wish you all a blessed and peaceful holiday. One love.