#MNR: CRITICAL BEATDOWN
“If you ain’t nasty, don’t @ me.”
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: STD tests HAVE NOT gone out of style. Take your sexually active ass to the clinic or your private doctor and get some bloodwork done. This isn’t the ‘60s. There’s a lot of burning going on...and worse. I just got the complete A-Z done. Passed every test with a C+.
If you know my style, you know it’s finna be one of those. I feel good all over like Stephanie Mills in ’87. I came here to talk my shit. I’m finna be random AF. Please pardon the marijuana aroma, but my cologne would get a wink from Michelle Obama.
I wanted to stay away from politics this week. I wanted to keep it light-hearted. But there’s this one thing that scuffed my Nikes on the way to Happy-Go-Lucky Lane: the hate mail Fulton County (GA) District Attorney Fani Willis has received for the eminent indictments set to be charged to #45 for his “perfect” call and all the fuckery associated with him trying to steal the state of Georgia’s 16 electoral votes following the 2020 election. Unless you were in a coma from 1.5.2021 until two minutes ago, you already know what occurred, so I’ll spare the needless details. I’m strictly talking about some of the hate emails Sis. Willis has received from MAGA zealots regarding their disdain for having their god Donald Cheesy tRump endure a fourth case. Now that I think about it, this devil is more cased up than the entire State Property was that Friday night on Hot 97 in maybe ’04 when Young Chris had to give the phone interview by himself cuz like four of them nuccas were locked up at the time. But fatty has accomplished this feat by his lonely. Anyway, these hate spewing pilgrims are using n*gger in their emails like it’s one of the FAFSA or U.S. Census ethnicity bubbles to pencil in. An email. An email to an entire District Attorney. An email to a woman – a Black woman. Hate is a sad thing. Picture me being that upset if they attempted to lock a Dem president up for alleged criminal transgressions. Lololololol. ROTFL. CTFU. FOH. SMD. But then again, I’ve never purchased and flown a flag with a man’s last name and an inherently racist slogan on it, either. I don’t eat dick. If that last sentence made you feel sensitive, get the fuck up out of my blog.
I damn sure didn’t vote for tRump in 2020 (2016, either), so I obviously voted for Sleepy Joe. If it’s him and Fat Ass again, and it’s going to be, I’m likely voting for Old Man Biden again. I’m not a fan of either, but I’m not voting for a treasonous devil. I’m voting for the old-as-fuck white man with the questionable past regarding his views on my-skinned folk. And yes, I’m aware of his past quotes on the Senate floor, his vote and voice on the 1994 Crime Bill, and who his political mentor was. I’ll state the disclaimer that all this Hunter Biden bullshit hasn’t a leg to stand on. I’m more than acquainted with all of it. It may fall on the cokehead son if it can be proven that he used his dad’s name for financial gain and influence (it HAS NOT thus far), but Sleepy’s prints are nowhere on it. But, if by chance they are (they aren’t), I’ll sit on a federal grand jury and indict him. I’ll sit on a federal trial jury and convict his ass. I don’t give a flying 757 fuck about that man other than his capacity as Commander-in-Chief. You don’t have to agree with my politics, that’s your choice. I said what I said.
P.S. If my guy Dr. Cornel West is on the ballot in Jerz, I’ll probably vote for him because I’m in accord with more of his political views in comparison to Sleepy Joe and because Joe will win the state with relative ease regardless. I don’t fake, lie, or duck smoke, so I’ll say that if New Jersey were to be a toss-up, I’d have to go with Biden over Doc because it’s too risky to leave those electoral votes within tRump’s grasp. It’s political strategy. Politics makes strange bedfellows (pause if necessary) is the quote, I believe.
Now that I got that shit off my chest plate...let me light my shit up. I developed anxiety writing the last couple of paragraphs.
I just replied to a YouTube post with a pic of Phife and a question asking what his best verse was. Of course, “Scenario” and “Electric Relaxation” were mentioned heavily, but my choice is his verse on “God Lives Through.” He dominated that track AND that album, and, for absolute context, Tip was my favorite Quester from El Segundo on. But thinking about Phife no longer being here got me thinking about classic rap groups in addition to A Tribe Called Quest and all the brothers and sisters we’ve already lost. Here’s an off-top roll call with group names included for likely lesser-known rappers or groups (comment if I leave someone out): Cowboy (Grandmaster Flash and The Furious Five), DJ Scott La Rock (Boogie Down Productions), Trouble T Roy (Heavy D & The Boyz), Jam Master Jay, Eazy-E, Professor X AND Sugar Shaft (X Clan), Ol’ Dirty Bastard, Prodigy, Bushwick Bill, Pimp C, DJ Easy Rock (Rob Base & DJ Easy Rock), Chris “Mack Daddy” Kelly (Kris Kross), Sean “Ruck” Price (Heltah Skeltah), DJ Subroc AND Zev Love X/MF DOOM (KMD), Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes (she has to be on this list), Big DS (Onyx), and Gangsta Boo (3-6 Mafia). Every man and woman, irrespective of the causes of their demise, perished relatively young. They all left indelible marks in their own unique way. Long live hip hop.
Salute to all my beautiful Black sisters and brothers who came to the aid of our dock worker brother in distress down by the water in Montgomery, Alabama. The brother was simply doing his job yet got jumped by no less than seven white boys for his troubles. But guess what? Saturday was the wrong day for the bullshit. Salute to all my chocolate Alabamans down on that water who embodied “fuck around and find out” in 4K resolution for all non-believers. It was dark for like a good 20 seconds for that dock worker brother, but trust, the cavalry was on the MF way. And when the cavalry arrived, it got late early. Men AND women endured a thorough ass whooping in a true Pier-Six brawl. My first Co-MVP was Michael B. Phelps, the brother who swam across the waterway to Voltron with the rest of our kinfolk. That brother Aquaman’d up out that water, kicked one shoe off and kept stepping. The other obvious Co-MVP went to D-Von Dudley’s (IYKYK) first cousin Raheem Shabazz Dudley, the folding chair brother. I know an old-school ECW fan when I see one. Someone tell HHH dem to book Raheem Shabazz in the next Tables, Ladders & Chairs match. If he’s sitting still, someone shoot the GoFundMe information to my email. I’ve got some ones on his bail money.
I try to keep things as tranquil as possible. But when it’s go time, it’s go time. I don’t harbor or carry prejudice around in 2023, but I am absolutely, unapologetically, 100% Black on both sides. My grandfather was raised in a segregated section of Tidewater, VA. He fought in a segregated Army in WWII. He instilled a vault of knowledge, awareness and pride within me. I ride and die for mine. You already know what MF time it is.
Kai Cenat, you’re a got damn clown. It’s only a matter of time before your antics and clout-chasing sends some lil nigga on the main line to the pearly gates. It got really crazy in Union Square the other day. Through the Lord’s mercy, no one lost her or his life. The irony is, that if one of the pigs would’ve eliminated one of those kids out there, the city would be on fire. Maybe the pig would’ve been wrong. Perhaps the kid would’ve been wrong. Who could say? But with absolute certainty, I can say that Cenat and his stooges would’ve been criminally wrong. These MF are still doing anything for clout. And these kids are dumber than ever. I’m not an old jerkface hating on the youth; I had my time. I pushed it all to the center of the table plenty of nights. I’m content. There are plenty of youngsters who are completely on point, about their business and aware of the time, both literally and figuratively. But there are way too many sheep. Imagine going down to 14th Street and dying in a riot over some PlayStation5 consoles that never were. Imagine having to live with being the cause of multiple casualties. Shit is always funny until it isn’t.
Salute to my guy Felipe on his 20th birthday. His party was yesterday. I was the only brother in the spot, but I was as comfortable as I was every session during our two years together. His stepdad (DAD dad) Wladimir is Brazilian, so I got to enjoy Brazilian-style meat (leave me alone, fuckers) rollouts. Steak, kielbasa and some other delicious sausage kept coming in waves. Felipe and mom are Colombian, so I got to enjoy all types of delicious Colombian dishes. I had a time and a half. Felipe, you are in my Top 5 favorite humans. I love you like you are my own. Thank you for allowing me to be a piece of your puzzle. When I make it to Capitol Hill to advocate for children with autism and special needs children alike, you’re coming to the Hill with me at least once. No IG posts or tweets. Just my guy standing tall with me. Life is good.
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