#MNR: Lieutenant Al Giardello

#MNR: Lieutenant Al Giardello

Hello world. It’s your guy Mr. Monday, back on this platform on my favorite day of the week, spewing my mixture of prudent wisdom, borderline insanity, and at times outright ignorance into the crowd. It seems so long since we last ciphered. No worries, the gang is back again, errthang already pre-rolled so we can jump straight the fuck off into it. If you need time to get your aromatics lit go on ‘head. We’ll park the wheels and let you do what you do…alright…now let’s get to it like that MF from The Shawshank Redemption that dug his way up out that prison cell. We’re locked in. Bet. I’m a stir the pot a bit to set this shit smooth off.

I saw the homie Megan Rapinoe at the White House last week, championing the conversation of overall equality and equal pay for female athletes. Let’s begin with gender equality and the NCAA: y’all some clowns for that footage we saw of the workout equipment and setup y’all had in place for the women’s tournament. Fat Albert and the boys had a better setup at the junkyard. It was disgusting to see, and even more disgusting to know that some well-paid dickhead (Eazy the Block Captain voice) actually signed off on letting that shit rock. Look, we know that that y’all don’t give a B-52 flying fuck about women’s athletics outside a few major conferences and universities along with a handful of sports. We think it’s disgusting. We’ve been saying it. I’m a pragmatist. I know that y’all don’t care. But the common damn sense in me is thinking that y’all should at least try to act like y’all give a fuck. At least give them some basic equipment. You know – some bench, incline, and squats stations, dumbbells, treadmills, ellipticals, stationary bikes, whirlpool access – the bare minimum at least. Smh. Y’all too bigoted and dumb to at least make shit look status quo. I’m not a box of Kleenex. I’m not here to wipe tears. I’m not Shirley Chisolm. I’m not here to stand in front of a mic and campaign for shit. But even if I were an ignorant, sexist, discriminatory type of MF, I’d at least have set the ladies straight with the gym equipment. If we gon shortchange and scam, we should at least look the part of a decent establishment. You NCAA MF are weird.

I’m not off Megan. I salute who and what she is to the sport of soccer and equality. She’s USWNT strong. She’s a champion. She’s been very active when it comes to fighting the wage fight. I’m a keep it short and simple. I don’t know why there’s even a discussion about pay with regard to both men’s and women’s national teams. There’s nothing to say. Megan’s absolutely wrong. Fuck she talmbout equal pay? She’s out of her mind. WRONG! The USWNT shouldn’t be paid what the men are paid. THEY SHOULD BE PAID MORE. The men’s team is ASS. They didn’t qualify for the Olympics for the third straight games. There are adolescents who haven’t lived to see Team USA play men’s soccer in an Olympics, and adults (I’m adults) who haven’t lived to see them medal. It’s fucking ridiculous. The women are reigning World Cup champions. They’ve won three of the last four Olympics. They dominate the sport on this side of the equator and big pond. They deserve their just cut. They deserve a king’s ransom.

Now, before y’all nominate me for president, I’m not carrying this water all the way from the creek to the hut. I can’t agree with the WNBA players and parts of their salary arguments. Do they deserve pay raises? Absolutely. But should they be paid proportionately to NBA players? Fuck no. They play a lot fewer games and bring in much less revenue, from ticket sales to apparel. They don’t have the television contract the NBA does. This is an open and shut argument. Like I said, I don’t bring sentiment to a gunfight. I bring hollow points. Please cut the delusion.

After being stuck for six days, a large container ship named Ever Given that had completely blocked the Suez Canal was freed this morning. Now, I know I may need to do some backtracking before I proceed, cuz not all of y’all are the sharpest knives in the drawer. A canal is an artificial waterway constructed to allow the passage of boats or ships inland or to convey water for irrigation. The Suez Canal is located in Egypt between the Mediterranean Sea and Red Sea. If it weren’t for the canal, ships would have to sail smooth around Africa to reach the Americas, Europe, and the rest of the world. Now, understand that this wasn’t some lil tugboat. It wasn’t a Carnival Cruise ship. It wasn’t the Titanic. It was bigger. It was about the length of the height of the Empire State Building. That big MF was stuck stuck. Not moving. The salvage crew (a team of machine operators, engineers, tugboat captains, and other salvage operators) worked in coordination to help free the ship. Over the course of the six days, an estimated $55B in global commerce was lost due to the complete blockage of the canal. That’s a lot of paper being left on the table. Shit, I woulda nuked that MF to get the canal jumping again. I know, I know. That’s nonsensical. But that’s exactly the type of time I would’ve been on if I were missing out on paper because of that damn ship throwing salt in the game. But I know how business goes. I woulda just made youse consumers pay for my delay. Can we say tax?

I’m not gonna spend a lot of time on this because it’s so inconceivable to me that I feel like I’m my gpa and we’re in the ‘60s or something. What I’m getting at is Georgia and all the legislation that they’ve enacted to restrict the voting rights in the state. It’s trash, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. And yes, it was directed towards people of color. My advice is simple. Being that Governor Kemp has signed that trash into legislation there’s not much to be done (for now). What Black and brown folk need to do is educate their own on the changes so that they can be proactive and handle their business at the polls within the designated times and stipulations (like y’all did a few months ago). They may have made it tougher to vote, but y’all tougher than that. Y’all are beautiful, resilient folk. I’m no Democrat but I admire the way Ms. Stacey Abrams holds shit down in the Peach State. She gon get a plan together for y’all. Don’t let the devil discourage you from handling your business. Tough times don’t last. Tough people do. Trouble don’t last always.

Apple, y’all finally found a way to scare me into updating my phone every damn time. I used to ignore updates cuz half the time they fucked with some shit that I was previously able to do without a second thought. But now I can’t even do that because y’all keep telling the press that every update of late has been to counter some type of cyber fuckery that I’m not even in the ballpark of being able to explain yet am scared to death of. I don’t know all that technical shit. What I do know is that I don’t want any of my charge cards sponsoring some heifer’s online Neiman Marcus shopping spree or any of my private photos on full display on Facebook or in The Shade Room. So, y’all MF got me. I run like a hoe every single time y’all say there’s an iOS update. Damn! Are you happy now (Martin during his first proposal to Gina voice)? Smmfh.

I must say that this past Saturday’s URL Double Impact 4 was extra fucking fire! My queen and I thoroughly enjoyed the event…well, most of it. I’ll get to that in a second. But there were some great battles, with a certified classic included. The classic came from K-Shine/Lu Castro vs. Ave/Fonz. I can’t call a winner, other than us as a culture catching the collective W. That shit was super fire. Shine and Lu were on 1,000,000% energy and Ave and Fonz were punching like Hagler and Hearns. I’m watching that shit again soon as it drops on the app. The surprise of the night went to Arsonal/Kid Chaos. All the woke lyrical purists didn’t give them a snowball’s chance in Qatar against B-Dot/Real Sikh. But they went in there and out rapped the rappers. I didn’t say they were more lyrical. That’s impossible with Dot and Sikh on the same roster. But Ars and Chaos all-around out rapped them. They had better chemistry. The team of Geechi Gotti/Swamp, titled CCC (Compton-Carolina Cartel) versus Tay Roc and Eazy the Block Captain, titled Gunz & Gutta was extra crazy. Both teams came to rock, but the Triple C’s got extra busy. Their third-round angle, a flip of Roc’s third round against Official on Kings vs. Queens 2 a couple weeks ago, was absolutely ridiculous. Geechi and Swamp talked bad about those two men’s ladies. Couldn’t have been me. I woulda hooked off extra early. I wouldn’t have gotten paid my second half, plus about 50 Nutty Block Locs and a couple thorough South Cackalack niggas woulda rocked me to sleep. But fuck it, y’all not finna talk about my lady like that. Lmfao. Good shit. Geechi is def in my top five. Him and Math Hoffa in a couple weeks may get spooky for Math. We shall see. The NWX team of DNA and Don Marino was nice but wasn’t quite as nice as Rum Nitty and Jey the Nitewing. It was a good battle on both sides though. That boy Rum is an alien. That coming with two ladders together for DNA bar was the craziest shit I heard in a long time. Good fucking battle. And finally…the main event…was an absolute shit show. T-Top and Nu Jersey Twork demolished the team of Murda Mook and Calicoe (Murdaland). Murdaland was ill prepared (they later said they freestyled all three rounds) and underwhelming. Top and Twork completely smoked them in the first. Twork was upstairs with it. The second was closer but I still edge it to Top and Twork. Mook was in his feelings and talked through my nigga Top Bizzy’s part of the third round after Bizzy hit him with a kidney punch. In turn, Top did the same during Mook’s third. The shit got out of hand and became just plain weird. Mook was freestyling some big homie advice shit that we could tell was an obvious freestyle. It wasn’t really hitting cuz shit was already OD weird. Calicoe kept grinning in the background and saying he was out. The live mic caught Smack saying Mook fucked the battle up before the feed cut. The two went on Unkle Ra’s 15 Minutes of Fame later and gave some half-assed explanation. The shit was horrible and borderline cringeworthy. Mook and Cal should retire as a two-on-two and Brizz GOTTA come back so him and Mook can have that talk. Mook is still my guy but Saturday night was not it.

The trial of Derek Chauvin, the PIG who killed Mr. George Floyd, began today in Minneapolis. That’s all I have to say, other than FUCK THE POLICE. (Black Fist Emoji)


RIP to my real daddy, Yaphet Kotto.

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