#MNR: MAUNA KEA
“I’m stuck in your claws. I try to run but I don’t get far.”
“Mama – I just killed a man.”
What up, niggas, how y’all? It’s Monday, the villain. It’s another beautiful Monday morning in the melancholy metro. The sun shone so bright through the Hudson Yards skyscrapers during my ride into midtown that I couldn’t get my good eye on One and Two Manhattan West, the twin towers on 31st Street and 9th Avenue. Though they are only 58-stories tall, they are aesthetically pleasing to a skyscraper enthusiast such as myself. Their glass exteriors make them a sight to behold, but the intrigue lies within actually seeing the two towers. Depending on your angle of sight, you may only be able to see one of the towers, as the other would be hiding directly behind. Like I said, though they are less than 60-stories tall (996 ft), they are a lovely sight. They’re no 270 Park Avenue, but they are beautiful. I’m eager to visit Dubai, only so I can return home and proclaim with absolute certainty that even though it has the most skyscrapers of any city on earth, it’s not fucking with my hometown. If I start a GoFundMe to raise the Fly Emirates travel and 5-star luxury hotel stay, would y’all contribute? The only acceptable answer is yes. Appreciate y’all.
The following segment of #MNR is dedicated to all the try-hards out there. Peace to all you MF out there doing the most for no damn reason at all. We can always count on you to turn a grain of sand into Mauna Kea. In the exact moment when no one asked you a got damn thing whatsoever, you made it your business to share your primitive thoughts. You always find a way to make nothing into something. You’re a grade-A try-hard. I, on behalf of all of us out there who are subject to this type of bullshit from time to time, implore you to sit your dumb ass the fuck down and shut your dumb ass the fuck up. No one asked you. No one gives a fuck. No one sought your opinion. No one gives a fuck. Go find a rock to kick. Fucker.
I’m sooooooooo glad I got off those blunts, y’all. That tobacco ain’t nothing but the devil. I’m convinced that I was as addicted to the leaf as I was to the flower. It took some time to completely shake the tobacco leaf, but I’m good frfr. Nah, like really good. Louie copped a two-pack of cigarillos the first time we ciphed during the homecoming trip, thinking I still smoked blunts. I informed him that I too had moved on from ‘em. I struggled through that damn L. I felt like George Foreman (old ass man George) jabbed me straight in the middle of my breastplates. Then a Tuesday ago I smoked a J with a coworker on my way to Port Authority after work and this nigga smokes Grabba. I damn near passed out on 38th. I felt a wheeze in my chest, followed by a pain akin to being stabbed in a rumble by Pony Boy in The Outsiders. For those who are unacquainted, Grabba is ground tobacco. Plenty of people up top who smoke J’s like to add Grabba to their flower in a white boy. The only reason I can even comprehend smoking ground tobacco is that NYC tobacco prices are so high that only a fool or rapper smokes blunts. A pack of Backwoods is $17.50 at Gardenia on 30th and 8th Avenue (my favorite deli in Chelsea). Packs go for more than twenty cash in certain spots downtown. I’m guessing that Grabba gives some smokers the blunt feeling. Fuck if I know. I just know that if I wanted to smoke tobacco, I’d smoke blunts. And if I couldn’t afford to smoke blunts, my J’s would be anti-Grabba. But that’s me. Carry on, mongrels. Continue to pollute your lungs with the tobacco leaf. I put my 30 in. I’m through, mane (Sly Stone voice).
Look, I don’t give a fuck who you vote for. I don’t. I just want you to take your sorry ass down to your precinct and vote tomorrow. It’s not a presidential election year, but plenty of state and local ballots will be ripe with candidates and legislation. These candidates and potential legislation have a direct effect on your everyday life. Virginia is voting for every seat in their state legislature. That’s 40 state Senate seats and 100 state House seats on the ballot. Reproductive rights are a hot-button topic. Loudoun County, VA, home to one of America’s best public-school systems, has school board elections on the ballot Tuesday. Why does this matter? Because since 2020, far-right lawyers, politicians and parents have pushed to drastically reshape the objectives and curriculum of the school district. Education (and a Freudian slip) cost Terry McAuliffe the Virginia governor’s race two years ago. Stakes are high all over the country. MAGAt is relentless in its attempt to turn America back into Little House on the Prairie. I don’t ever recall seeing a colored on nay episode, get what I’m saying? It all comes down to this: one side is steadfast in its attempt to strip Americans of rights while the other side is steadfast in its attempt to protect rights. The choice is yours from there.
Shout out to my old coworker Carla. She texted me last week and told me she was looking forward to #MNR. That meant a lot. I do this for y’all. I appreciate y’all. With no audience, #MNR doesn’t exist. I’ll see y’all next week. I promise I’m a be on the exact same shit. Ain’t nothing changed but the drawz. Keep your eyes off mine ma, while I watch yours. RIP Chico Del Vec.
FUN FACT: Mauna Kea’s (HI, USA) total height is 30, 610 ft, making it a full 1.5K ft taller than Mt. Everest. Only 13,796 ft of Mauna Kea is above sea level. All 29,032 ft of Mt. Everest is above sea level.
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