#MNR: (YULETIDE) WHITE LINES
“On December 25th I knew I wasn’t getting jack.”
Alas, it is Christmas time again in the city. Ho, ho, ho to all. I hope you busters were nice this year. After all, Black Santa only brings gifts to those who were nice. And if you were naughty, fuck it. You prolly knew since the ages of 6-8 that the idea of a fat ass white man sliding down a narrow ass chimney in a project or tenement apartment building wasn’t possible (or safe). All jokes aside, this is a time to be with family and loved ones. To all the lovers out there...hold your significant others close and cherish them. Appreciate what they mean to you and your happiness, and make sure they don’t go cheap on the Christmas gift(s). We don’t play that shit.
This is where I’d normally issue an apology for there being no blog the previous week, but there shall be none issued. There is a blog for last week, but I decided to shelf it. CEO and I pledge to refrain from putting a blog full of “mid” into the atmosphere. We don’t smoke regular weed and we don’t release regular blogs. Last week was a bit slow in the news cycle, aside from a couple of acts of snitching in the battle rap and rap worlds. We’re not going to give free promo to snitches. Having said that, FREE THE SLIME. I’m a say it again later, so don’t act like I'm being redundant.
JESUS IS THE REASON FOR THE SEASON
Thank you, Lord, for the blessings of another holiday season and loved ones to enjoy the season with. I miss you, Shareon. This was your favorite time of the year, from the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade to black-eyed peas and stewed tomatoes on the stove on New Year’s Day. Having your pumpkin home for Christmas was always your favorite present, especially after I was a grown ass man navigating through young adulthood. Your absence is the only sad part of the season, but you’re firmly entrenched in my heart. You’re always with me. Merry Christmas in heaven, mom. Merry Christmas to the memories of all the loved ones no longer with us. They live on in spirit.
The rumor is that we may have a white Christmas in NY metro. I can remember like two or three in my lifetime (which includes living in VA), but don’t trust my drug-infested memory. I’ve been getting high since the first Clinton administration, so my memory may not always be the most accurate. I’m just kidding. I have an elephant-like memory. White Christmases are rare. In my opinion, they’re only significant because of the song. It makes me no never mind what the conditions are on 12.25, as long as we’re all healthy and together.
One love to all the fathers behind penitentiary walls this holiday season. I know y’all wish you were home to enjoy the season with your families and children. I pray that you make the best of your circumstances and that you make it home to your families in short time. Stay solid.
FREE THE WAVE (BOTH MAX BIGAVEL AND TSUNAMI). FREE THE SLIME. FREE MY COUSIN ALBERT PEANUT BRADLEY. FREE MY NIGGA KEVIN NEWMAN. FREE MY SUN LOTTO. FREE MY PNC FRANKIE 5 ANGELS. FREE ALL MY FOLK BEHIND THOSE WALLS.
One love to all the orphans in orphanages and group homes around the world. This has to be the toughest time of the year. God loves you, and so do I. I pray that somehow you can find something to smile about this holiday season. I pray that you all make it through and out of the system and start your own families in time. I pray that you can break the vicious cycles that have adversely affected your young lives. Merry Christmas to you.
As General Hood Inspector, it’s my job to call out the most flagrant of folk this holiday season. My callouts have no prejudice; IDGAF who may be offended. If you made this list, you deserve to be on it, and I have a lump of coal for you. Let’s get it craccin’...
My first lumps of coal go to Shaq and Chuck Wagon Barkley. I still love and appreciate both of you brothers, but please do me one favor. Stop violating your fellow Black athletes with your TNT diatribes. We’ve had more than enough vitriol spewed at us the past 400 years or so. Please stop buck dancing, smiling and doing Satan’s work. Thank you.
Kanye, Yeezy, Ye... yeah. All three of youse step up and receive your shiny lump of holiday coal. It’s become apparent that you’ve lost your ever-loving mind. I wasn’t with the bigotry – at all. But honestly, I’ve been done since you put the red hat of fuckery on. But damn it, the absolute final straw was coming for Sister Rosa Parks, Dr. King and Brother Malcolm. I’m not going to waste time explaining how dumb you sound. Go get some help – or step in front of a moving city bus. There are too many young and impressionable minds who believe that you’re a valid and viable voice. You are not. I still love you as my brother in Blackness. Nevertheless, fuck off.
PS: We’ll always have “Flashing Lights.” Big ups to Dwele.
Lumps of coal to all the gaslighting, piece of shit pilgrims who use “wokeness” and Critical Race Theory to spread hatred toward Black folk, fear amongst uneducated white folk and stoke division amongst all races. Suck my dick. I have equal and opposite ferocity for that energy you impose on popular culture. Sadly, your true crime is indoctrinating innocent children with bigotry and xenophobia. There’s a special wing in West Hell waiting for you all. Ain’t no love for youse nightmare holders.
A big lump of Natalie Coal goes to Fox News and all the misinformation spreaders throughout the news media. I’m not campaigning for MSNBC (they are indeed my go-to outlet). I’m certainly not campaigning for CNN. Both are traditionally heavy left-leaning, although CNN has of late noticeably moved toward the middle and even crossed into the right at times. If it isn’t the 5 Ws and H, it isn’t news. Political commentary is something different. But there should never be any type of slant/editorializing of hard news. It’s scary when I think about the amount of influence these outlets have on the minds of Americans. It seems that few have the sagacity to discern what is and what isn’t. I do, and I’m going to call all youse out whenever I feel the need, MSNBC included (love you, Rachel).
Big ups and respect to Mariah Carey and her timeless rendition of “All I Want for Christmas is You.” She has found a cheat code to go multiplatinum every year, and even parlayed her winnings into a televised Christmas special. You go, girl. I love you and salute all that you’ve ever done. You will always be my baby (IYKYK). You are the queen, but even you know that you have no wins when it comes to the GOAT Black Christmas song. For the 50th consecutive year, the reigning champion of Christmas tunes is The Temptations’ “Silent Night.” They are the forever champions. TO ALL MY READERS: play it all. It’s that time of year. CEO, the Unbearables Crew and I wish you a wonderful and blessed Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanzaa, Festivus... all that.
PS: If you are a Christmas caroller and you pull up, you better be singing at least three Black Christmas songs or I’m throwing snowballs at y’all. If it isn’t snowing, we’ve got some old pots and pans that need to go to slaughter. Upside your head seems to be a great resting place.
PS2: BE SURE TO TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR MY 2022 YEAR IN REVIEW.
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